Ask Dr. Rick: Am I Overthinking or Dysregulated?
When your mind won't stop spinning, the answer might not be in your thoughts at all.
A student asked: “How do I differentiate dysregulation versus overthinking?”
The Problem: Your Mind Can’t Think Its Way Out
When you’re caught in a mental loop, replaying conversations, analyzing decisions, spiraling through worst-case scenarios, it’s natural to assume you need to think your way through it.
But here’s what I want you to understand: When you’re dysregulated, your thinking is compromised. You literally can’t access clear reasoning when your nervous system is activated.
The first question isn’t “What should I think about this?”
The first question is: “Am I regulated right now?”
The “Of Course You’re Upset” Technique
I have a practice I call the “of course you’re upset” technique.
Here’s how it works:
When you notice yourself spinning, pause and say to yourself:
“Of course I’m upset. Of course, this is hard. Of course, I’m feeling this way.”
By acknowledging what’s true in your body and nervous system, you stop fighting your own experience, you stop adding a second layer of suffering (”Why am I so anxious? Why can’t I just calm down?”) on top of the first.
You give your system permission to be exactly where it is.
Regulation First, Then Thinking
Here’s the key: Work with your body before you work with your mind.
When you’re dysregulated:
Your prefrontal cortex (rational thinking) goes offline
Your amygdala (threat detection) takes over
Your body is in survival mode
No amount of “positive thinking” or “reframing” will work when your nervous system believes it’s in danger.
So the sequence is:
Regulate (breathe, ground, acknowledge “of course I’m upset”)
Then think (once you’re resourced, you can access clarity)
How to Tell the Difference
So how do you know if you’re overthinking or dysregulated?
Check your body first.
Are you:
Breathing shallowly or holding your breath?
Feeling tension in your chest, jaw, or shoulders?
Experiencing a sense of urgency or panic?
Unable to settle or focus?
If yes, you’re likely dysregulated. Your nervous system needs support before your mind can work clearly.
Overthinking, on the other hand, happens when you’re relatively calm but caught in analysis paralysis, weighing options endlessly, searching for the “perfect” answer, ruminating without resolution.
Most of what we call “overthinking” is actually dysregulation in disguise. The thinking is your mind’s attempt to create safety when your body feels unsafe.
The Practice
When you catch yourself in the spin:
Step 1: Name it
“Of course I’m upset. Of course, this feels overwhelming.”
Step 2: Resource your body
Take three slow, complete breaths
Place your hand on your heart
Feel your feet on the ground
Notice what’s actually around you right now
Step 3: Ask the question
“Now that I’m more settled, what do I actually need here?”
Often, you’ll find the answer isn’t more thinking at all. It’s rest, or a conversation. It’s letting something go and trusting yourself.
What I Want You to Remember
You can’t think your way into regulation. But you can regulate your way into clear thinking.
Your body knows the difference between real danger and perceived threat, and your job is to help your nervous system feel safe enough to remember. Sometimes that starts with the simplest acknowledgment: “Of course I’m upset. Of course.”
Want to go deeper into practices that help you work with dysregulation and build genuine resilience?
Join my flagship course, Foundations of Well-Being, where I walk you through the neuroscience of regulation, practical techniques for everyday stress, and how to transform your relationship with difficult emotions. This is about building real capacity in your nervous system.
The content in this article has been adapted from my spoken word.
“Of course I’m upset” thank you for this 💚💚💚